its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
