Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
