the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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