So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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