your parents love me but you hate me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
