People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize