Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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