I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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