im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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