Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
