did you get engaged???
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
