she was so not down for the gang bang
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
