OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
