worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
