kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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