if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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