She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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