Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
