I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
