oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
