i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Your cock deserves a montage
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
