I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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