This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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