Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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