Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
