Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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