So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
