everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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