DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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