We're like a lot better than the average bears
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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