he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize