Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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