I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
