Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
