do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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