Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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