I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
