I wish I could punch you in the face.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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