pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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