You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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