forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
no, he came in my armpit
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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