mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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