Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
