somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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