the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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