Got a toothbrush?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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