After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
