I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
