reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
