Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
