I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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