Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
