You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
