Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
