he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
