Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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