I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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