everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
