i would punch a child for taco bell
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
