Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
