Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
