There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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