i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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