She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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