Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
