hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
