i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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