I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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