Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
